The Silent Struggles

 

Parenting is beautiful, but it can also be really hard especially for mothers. From the outside, it looks like a happy journey of watching a little one grow, but deep inside, there are many struggles we rarely talk about. Talking to other moms made me realize that most of these struggles don't come from the baby, but from the people around us, family members, in-laws, and relatives.

Almost every mother I spoke to said they were not allowed to raise their child the way they wanted. There were comments and interference about what the baby should eat, how and when to sleep, and how the mother should act. One mother said her mother-in-law kept giving her toddler sugary snacks and junk food, even after she had asked her not to. Worse, the mother-in-law told the child, "Don't tell your mother," which made her feel helpless and betrayed. As a working mom, she couldn’t monitor everything at home, and that made it even harder.

Another mom shared her difficult postpartum days abroad. Her mother-in-law was there to help, but instead of support, she felt judged all the time. She wasn’t allowed to eat what she liked, like chicken or meat, because her mother-in-law said it would cause gas in the baby. She had to breastfeed at every little cry, and her confidence was broken. Even after two years, she still cried when she remembered those days.

When she returned to her home country, relatives started judging her because her baby was not chubby. They forced her to add sugar to the baby’s diet, even though she didn’t want to. Another mom told me how her in-laws refused to give allopathic medicine to her baby, even during high fever, and insisted only on homeopathy. She constantly worried if she was doing the right thing.

One first-time mom said she wasn’t even allowed to hold her baby except for feeding. Her mother-in-law decided everything, the baby’s sleep, feeding, and routine. She had so many dreams and hopes as a new mother, but nothing happened the way she wanted. Even now, she looks back at that time with pain.

Another mom shared how her own parents forced her to do eye makeup for her baby, even though she didn’t like it. Some moms wanted to raise their kids without screen time or chocolates, but their wishes were ignored again and again.

One mother told me about the time her baby had a fever. She had clearly told her mother-in-law not to give certain foods, but when she returned from work, she found that her child had been given exactly those foods. The baby’s fever got worse, and they had to rush to the hospital. She also said that she doesn’t like her baby girl being left without clothes, especially with the kind of disturbing news we hear every day, but her mother-in-law ignored her repeated warnings. On top of that, her father-in-law is a chain smoker who smokes in front of the child and even holds her immediately after smoking. When he is sick, he refuses to go to the hospital or take medicines. He still interacts closely with the child, and in the end, it's the parents who suffer when the baby gets sick.

Sleep routines were also a big struggle. One mother said she wanted her baby to sleep early every night, but family members insisted on keeping the baby awake late, and she couldn’t stick to any routine.

Many parents from the older generation say, “We raised you, and you turned out fine.” But times have changed. We now know more about health, emotions, and child development. Just because something was done before doesn't mean it’s the best way now. We don’t mind help, but only if it means respecting our choices and supporting us, not controlling everything.

A big question we ask is, why do so many mothers-in-law repeat the same hurtful behavior they once suffered? Why do they forget the pain they went through and cause the same for the next generation?

One of the few good things we see today is that many new generation dads are not like the old ones. They really take part in parenting, and that gives a big relief to mothers. Having a supportive partner makes a big difference.

Raising a child is already a big responsibility. Let’s not make it harder with pressure and judgment. We, as parents, have the right to choose what’s best for our children. If we get support instead of resistance, parenting would be a lot easier for all of us.

To every mother struggling quietly, you are not alone. Your way of parenting is enough,and your voice matters.